You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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