I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
