piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
