I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
