Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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