We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
