I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
nutella sex= disaster
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
