3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
