I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize