We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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