spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
