I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize