I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
