So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Fuck appropriateness.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize