He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There's a naked man in my car right now.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
