Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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