Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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