i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
