i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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