Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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