we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
