Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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