We're like a lot better than the average bears
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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