Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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