i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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