She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
