I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize