The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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