She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
