I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
