Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We're not piercing ourselves today.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
