I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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