Plan B is the new Plan A
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
