Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
