can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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