Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
