i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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