If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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