I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just pynch a tree in the face
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
