let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
