he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize