I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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