she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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