The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
