how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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