Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
