i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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