I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Randomize
