Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
