Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
