You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
