that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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