I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
