the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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