Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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