I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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