We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
