Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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