I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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