I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize