The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
