NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
