Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
