i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
