How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
