Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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