It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize