Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
