I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
