I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
