im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
