Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
