So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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