apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
