I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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