i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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