If i come over, it means nothing
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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