I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
