Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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