You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
