Your dad touched me again.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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