I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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