I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
