okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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