she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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