i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize