I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize