I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
