but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
whose parrot is this?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
