she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
